Noah Simmons
“Bakersfield, California…California! I love that place. Where is Bakersfield though? Is that the city with all the outlet shops off of I-15? Or is that Barstow? I just have never heard of Bakersfield…”
That’s what ran through my head as I read the text from my dad, relaying information back from President Evans. I had made myself comfortable, finally, during my time home in between missions due to the pandemic. I knew that returning to the field was what I should do, even though I had grown accustomed to being at home with my friends and family again.
My first week my area went by fine. I was excited to do missionary work during the pandemic, to continue learning and sharing about Jesus Christ, and I felt a lot of confidence from my new mission president. All that excitement slowly started to fade as reality began to creep in. My companion and I had the occasional disagreement, teaching appointments fell through, and the amount of time we got to spend outside each day seemed to get shorter and shorter. I began to realize how much I missed home after talking to my friends and family during my first preparation day back in the field. That Monday re-energized me to keep pushing forward.
Tuesday came around and we started off the morning by sitting through two hours of Zoom meetings. That energy I had from the night before wore off pretty quickly after my companion and I weren’t connecting with each other. I realized that it would be six more days until next preparation day to talk to the people I love at home. I didn’t know if I could do another week inside this apartment making calls to numbers that don’t pick up. I began to doubt what I was doing in this apartment in Lancaster, California.
At 4pm I went to the bedroom, fell to my knees on the side of my bed, and silently weeped as the weight of all the stress was too much for me to bear. I prayed for some sort of help, encouragement or comfort to keep moving forward, or to throw in the towel and go home. It’s hard for me to describe exactly how I felt while saying that “messy prayer,” but a feeling of overwhelming love and heavenly support wrapped around me. I knew that God was aware of me. He was going to take care of me, and He still loved me even if I chose to return home. He knew where I was and what I had been feeling. He believed in my abilities to overcome discouragement, as did my mission president.
I called my mission president and told him my situation and desire to leave. President Sandberg listened to what I had to say and lovingly encouraged me to wait about my decision to stay or leave. He counseled,
“Work through two of the Adjusting to Missionary Life exercises each day and don’t make a decision right now about going home.”
I trusted him and gave it a shot. I tried exercising gratitude, viewing the challenges I would still face at home, recognizing what aspects of myself hadn’t changed, studying more about the Savior and His gospel, and serving my companion and the members around me. There wasn’t a sudden 180-degree change in my perspective or in my relationship with my companion. What I did feel was a strengthening help from He who has descended below all things. I learned of the truth to this promise in Doctrine and Covenants 84:88:
“I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”
About 18 months after that experience I returned home from my mission, having taught people about the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ in LA county, Bakersfield, and Mexico. The experiences I gained by teaching others, learning from companions, studying the Book of Mormon, and hearing members bear their testimony are of infinite worth to me. After all the progress I’ve seen in myself as a disciple and individual, I can’t fathom to think how life would be different had I chosen that very Tuesday during my first week back to return home. I testify of the love and support our Heavenly Father has for us. He strengthens His missionaries all around the world, just as He cares for all of His children. Missionary work may not always be easy, but we grow closer to Christ by getting outside of our comfort zone to do His will. He lives, and that is the wonderful message we get to share.
That’s what ran through my head as I read the text from my dad, relaying information back from President Evans. I had made myself comfortable, finally, during my time home in between missions due to the pandemic. I knew that returning to the field was what I should do, even though I had grown accustomed to being at home with my friends and family again.
My first week my area went by fine. I was excited to do missionary work during the pandemic, to continue learning and sharing about Jesus Christ, and I felt a lot of confidence from my new mission president. All that excitement slowly started to fade as reality began to creep in. My companion and I had the occasional disagreement, teaching appointments fell through, and the amount of time we got to spend outside each day seemed to get shorter and shorter. I began to realize how much I missed home after talking to my friends and family during my first preparation day back in the field. That Monday re-energized me to keep pushing forward.
Tuesday came around and we started off the morning by sitting through two hours of Zoom meetings. That energy I had from the night before wore off pretty quickly after my companion and I weren’t connecting with each other. I realized that it would be six more days until next preparation day to talk to the people I love at home. I didn’t know if I could do another week inside this apartment making calls to numbers that don’t pick up. I began to doubt what I was doing in this apartment in Lancaster, California.
At 4pm I went to the bedroom, fell to my knees on the side of my bed, and silently weeped as the weight of all the stress was too much for me to bear. I prayed for some sort of help, encouragement or comfort to keep moving forward, or to throw in the towel and go home. It’s hard for me to describe exactly how I felt while saying that “messy prayer,” but a feeling of overwhelming love and heavenly support wrapped around me. I knew that God was aware of me. He was going to take care of me, and He still loved me even if I chose to return home. He knew where I was and what I had been feeling. He believed in my abilities to overcome discouragement, as did my mission president.
I called my mission president and told him my situation and desire to leave. President Sandberg listened to what I had to say and lovingly encouraged me to wait about my decision to stay or leave. He counseled,
“Work through two of the Adjusting to Missionary Life exercises each day and don’t make a decision right now about going home.”
I trusted him and gave it a shot. I tried exercising gratitude, viewing the challenges I would still face at home, recognizing what aspects of myself hadn’t changed, studying more about the Savior and His gospel, and serving my companion and the members around me. There wasn’t a sudden 180-degree change in my perspective or in my relationship with my companion. What I did feel was a strengthening help from He who has descended below all things. I learned of the truth to this promise in Doctrine and Covenants 84:88:
“I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”
About 18 months after that experience I returned home from my mission, having taught people about the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ in LA county, Bakersfield, and Mexico. The experiences I gained by teaching others, learning from companions, studying the Book of Mormon, and hearing members bear their testimony are of infinite worth to me. After all the progress I’ve seen in myself as a disciple and individual, I can’t fathom to think how life would be different had I chosen that very Tuesday during my first week back to return home. I testify of the love and support our Heavenly Father has for us. He strengthens His missionaries all around the world, just as He cares for all of His children. Missionary work may not always be easy, but we grow closer to Christ by getting outside of our comfort zone to do His will. He lives, and that is the wonderful message we get to share.
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